During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i now understand why vodka
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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