we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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