Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
