I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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