Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
