Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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