i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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