Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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