so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize