bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
