Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
