Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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