Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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