you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize