you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
