I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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