We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
