Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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