shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize