I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
