i don't like sucking hair
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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