I am spending my child support on dildos
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
