There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize