Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
