we have pet lesbian snakes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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