I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
