sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
