wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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