Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
