i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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