he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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