I have demons in me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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