I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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