Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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