I faked an abortion last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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