Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
