You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
