Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
