matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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