She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
