This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
