trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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