considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
