Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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