My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
