Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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