She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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