Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
