May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
