I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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