So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
