Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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