He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
