I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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