There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
