Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
