We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
