I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to calm my uterus...
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