tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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