Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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