i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
