im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
