and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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