I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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