Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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